I think it’s not something new again that some people are so good at making promise but terrible at fulfilling it. There was no transfer to another team or sending me to the processing team to learn more about business process, but there was a new taskwork, lots of it. But it was nothing like I imagine it’d be. That was just more paperwork. To be more precise, she buried me in paperwork.
Well.. maybe it was my mistake. So, my direct report wasn’t my manager, it was my supervisor. The conversation I had with my manager, without a doubt he must have told my supervisor about it. And, well.. I guess she was pissed off that I bypassed her. I didn’t expect it to happen that way.
When I came to the manager, I thought I would only notify him about me going to leave the company, I didn’t expect him to try to make me stay. Actually, it’s not that I wanted to bypass my spv, it’s just.. there’s something about her that made me unable to trust her. We can see through someone by looking into their eyes. And whenever I looked into her eyes, what I saw was that she was trying to hide her true self. From what I saw, she’s trying so hard to look tough. Was she just adapted to the tough working world or was she hid something, I had no idea. But I didn’t know whether or not I could trust her. That’s why I decided to talk directly to the manager.
But bypassing my spv, it was surely a stupid move. The fact is, she had more power than the manager. She had less authority but she had more power to make things happen. The day after I talk to the manager, my spv told me that she was going to give me a new taskwork. What happened the next day is she was taking a part of the job from another team and give it to me.
It was surprising not only to me but also to the girl who previously handled the job. She didn’t get notified about it. She had just been told about it and the same day the job was taken from her and in the evening she received a broadcast email my spv sent to sales team about me being the new person in charge to that job. At first, I thought she must be happy because her workload would be lesser. But I caught her talking about it to a friend and she looked so sad. It shouldn’t have happened that way. That was a mess.
I didn’t know why my spv did that. Maybe that was her way to make me stay, by showing me that I had an important role there. But I really didn’t expect that. Usually, all communication to sales team by email was on behalf of team name. But that time, my name was there in the email, bold and underline. I’m not the type who enjoy being the center of attention. It was really uncomfortable. Moreover, after that, she avoided talking to me for days. But then she got soften on her own and ask me how I felt about the new taskwork.
As for the new taskwork itself, at first, I was quite excited about it until I realize it was only similar kind of job with a different name. What happened next was I got buried in paperwork. Not to mention the exploded email that came to my email after that. I couldn’t even complain about it since I was the one who asked for a more challenging work. It wasn’t really the kind of challenge I expected, but when she asked me, I could only say, “It’s good to learn something new”.
After that one, she gave me another taskwork. That was when I thought she was trying to make it hard for me. She was trying to make me say, “I can’t do this anymore”. My workload became crazy. It was the same as doubling my workload which was already heavy in the first place. That was really crazy. But I didn’t want to let her get a chance to say, “You asked for more challenge but you can’t handle it”. So I just endure it and gave my best.
Everyone has their own way in managing their stress. Most would talk it out. I rarely talked, but I had a better way. Whenever I feel bad, I would try to cheer up myself. Making me feel better, nobody could do it better than myself.
I always came to the office quite early in the morning. I like to come before anyone else coming. I like the office when there’s barely anyone around. It’s so serene and peaceful. Then I would go to the pantry, filled up my water bottle, looked out the window and told myself, “Later when I’m no longer here, I would miss all these. Better enjoy it while it last”. But that girl, the girl who just joined a month before, the girl liked singing in the evening, she also liked to come quite early in the morning.
So sometimes, while I was doing my morning routine, she would come to the pantry and my peaceful morning got interrupted. When I turned my head to see who’s around, she was standing there not far from when I stood, preparing to fill up her water bottle, looking so keen like she couldn’t wait to start her day at work. Noticing that I took a look at her, she greeted me friendly in a cheerful manner, “Hello”. I would just smile and whispered, “Hi”, then waited for her to finish her morning routine so I could continue mine.
At first, I thought it was because she was a new employee. That’s how most new employee behave. Coming early in the morning, look so excited about their job, greet everyone they met very nicely. But even after a while, that’s just how she normally behave. That’s just how she is.
But there’s something about her. It’s really hard to define the kind of person she really is. She’s so cheerful, very lively, but she’s not really a social butterfly either. Sometimes she looked a bit reclusive, sometimes she looked a bit shy, sometimes she just looked indifferent.
It was that one morning. I intentionally went to the pantry while she was there. I was standing behind her, waiting for her filling up her bottle, thinking I would get her friendly greeting. But after she turned around, she looked startled and just said, “Scare me, standing behind me without saying anything”. Then she went away. Just like that. No greeting. No hello or hi. Nothing. That time I felt ridiculous. I wondered if I did something wrong. Or maybe she was having a bad day the day before. Or maybe she finally adapted to the tough working world and finally showed her true color.
But the next day, the friendly and lively her was back. Her cheerful greeting was back. “Hello” – “Hi”. For months, that was our only conversation. But I don’t know what is it about her. I don’t why even a simple conversation feels different with her.
At a later time, her cheerful greeting in the morning, I started to get used to it. Before I notice it, I already adjusted my morning routine to her schedule. I was no longer coming early in the morning and went straight to the pantry. I would turn up my computer first, went through my email while waiting for her to come before going to the pantry.
There was a time when she took a leave to go back to her hometown. It was more than a week. We weren’t really close friend. Our conversation couldn’t even get past hello – hi and some small talk. But somehow I was longing for her morning greeting and I really wish that she would come back soon. Looking out the window was no longer that enjoyable.
When she finally started working again, that morning I already waited for her in the pantry. As she was entering the pantry, she called my name so cheerfully. I couldn’t be happier than that. It’s so strange how someone could lighten up my day in a very simple way. And somehow, I was no longer the only person who could do great in cheering up my day.