Definitely Not

Aaaahh… Why is it though you broke my heart over and over again, I always agree with you over and over again? You’re at that level, you know? It doesn’t matter how hard you try to push someone away, you could never make someone want to walk away from you.

So yeah, I agree with you. Avoiding is definitely not the way to solve a problem. We got to face it bravely. So… Shall we meet? Okay, maybe not. I was just suggesting, don’t be mad, please.

The girl who always smiling… Since she doesn’t want to talk to me, can you help me say something to her? Tell her to smile from the heart. She’s so pretty when she smiles, but I don’t want her to just smile, I want her to be happy.

But this girl is really something. She doesn’t even want to show the courtesy to reject me in person. You rejecting me in person, it’s not for me to move on. I just need to look at you in the eyes to ensure that that’s what you really want. I need to ensure that you’re okay. Can’t you see that everything I do is about trying to make you happy? She’s really in a class by herself. Completely amazing. She even makes me say what’s in my heart that I didn’t even realize are there.

How else are you going to try to hurt me just so that I’d walk away? You can hurt me all you like. Maybe I will fall apart in the end. But whatever you do, I will either stand here firmly or die waiting. I’m not the type who will turn my back on the one I love.

Now it’s even worse than ever. Much worse than loving alone. Knowing that the one you love actually has feelings for you too but try to push you away so hard for a reason you cannot comprehend. Why are you hurting yourself like this?

Maybe I don’t know how to love properly. But at least I try. What have you done? Other than running away all the time. I thought you said you want to be brave. My words might be rude. But my heart has always been so true.

Honestly, this is so unfair, you know? I never expected anything from the beginning. As long as you’re happy then all is great for me. But now, I can’t even love you? Even just giving you attention is wrong? I can’t even show up in your sosmed because I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

I would go out of my way just to make sure that you’re okay. And now you don’t even let me do that simple thing. This girl is really something. Her attitude might seem savage, but her heart is gold. Yet, I still failed to understand what she’s trying to do now.

You know.. this girl, she’s perfect in every way. But if you’re in love with her, she’d damage your soul brutally. Yet, never even realized what she’s done. At this point, it doesn’t hurt because she’s with someone. But because she intentionally hurt me, even after knowing everything. Even worse, because she makes me feel completely unwanted, though she knows that I love her wholeheartedly. Why hurt someone whose only intention was to love you?

If this is the way you want it to be, then let’s play it. I told you, I respect your decision. Whatever it may be. Well then.. Let’s just pretend that everything is okay.

Okay, time for some cheer-up. There’s nothing I can do to make you feel better now. But I know something that can. Music! I heard from my friend that one of your hobbies was dancing. What was it? Cha-cha? Still love to dance now?

I know that some music makes you feel better. But other than listening, how about doing something else too? Yeah.. Move your body along with the music. Just like that night.  I could only see your back that time, but I could sense that you really enjoyed it. So, just move your body. Let the music flow in it.

Btw, this teaches me something, we could never force someone to do something they don’t want to. Even if it’s to follow their heart. I thought she’d be happy if she follows her heart. But if they really don’t want it, they won’t do it no matter what. Instead, they will only get hurt in the end. So if we love them as much as we think we are, just let them do whatever they want, and live peacefully.

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