Hmmm.. So.. I’m some kind of getting my mind straight again. I… Huft.. What have I done??? I mean.. Huft..
Maybe I’ll message her once again later. Just maybe. No, no more explanation. I’ve embarrassed myself more than enough. Aaahhh..!! I wrote it to her and just realize it now that that’s not how it should have been. I just don’t want to just leave her with the kind of impression of me that she might have in her mind now. I mean.. what I did was.. really awful. That’s.. huuuft…
I guess, that might have something to do with a belief system. You know, when we believe something, we will act accordingly to that belief. And my belief was.. Hmmm. Well.. Since she looked so excited and keen, I thought maybe.. Well.. Maybe she wanted me. Another thing is, that I want her to be happy and if there’s something I can do about it, then I will definitely do it.
So, when you combine those two, it becomes.. She’ll be happy if she’s with me. Then it breeds another belief, I have to do everything to make her happy, which may be to have me by her side with all the understanding. And… the foolish act started and got worse as time went by. Huft.. What kind of mess did I create for myself here? What a troublemaker!
Anyway, there are some lessons we can take from this mess. The first thing is, to be careful about what you believe. I mean, seriously, it can affect your reality. The second one is, don’t ever try to be somebody you’re not. I think the problem started because I tried to forget about my shyness.
Maybe this is the first time I think being a bit shy is actually a good thing. I mean, look at what happened to me. When the shyness disappeared, the disaster started. Overcoming my shyness and showing up in front of her, I thought that was what she expected from me. However, don’t try to be somebody you’re not, even for the person you love. Because if they actually love you too, they would appreciate your unique features instead of wanting you to be somebody else. Sigh.. Right now it feels like all the shyness that once disappeared now come back all at once. Huuufftt..
You surely need time to forget about all these. Please take all the time you need. Forget you? Why would I want to forget you? I just said it so that.. aaaahh.. forget it. Deleting your accounts? Whoaahh.. This girl is really something. You know, telling me that only shows how much you care and it only makes me.. Well.. maybe I shouldn’t throw too many praises now. But really, she’s in a class by herself.
Anyway.. Now we need to focus on something really important. Piling up work! Whoaahh.. my performance is quite worrying lately. Time to catch up. So… ciao for now!
Oh, btw, I love her still.