I’m Sorry

I realized just now, how selfish have I been all this time. I keep saying that I wanted her to be happy. But now I realized that everything I did was just about me. It was just about what I wanted, what I feel. I said I want her to be happy. But all this time, not even once I ask what she really wants when she was ready to answer.

I thought I love her so deeply. That I would do anything for her. That it would be okay if I don’t get noticed. But I never really try to find out what she really wants. Even today, it was still about me. Reject me so I can move on. Please hate me. Since when did my love become so demanding?!! I thought all this time, I did what I did for her. Now I realize, I did it all just because I wanted to. How selfish!

If you really love someone, ask what they want. Then try your best to give it to them. Don’t just do what you want to do. Loving someone is not just about giving your best, it’s about giving what they need. So ask! Whatever they do, try to understand. They must have a reason for doing so. The person you love deserves your understanding.

Don’t you dare to say you love someone if you never try to give what they REALLY need, what they REALLY want? It doesn’t matter if you want to give them the world. If that’s not what they really want, then it’s not important. And don’t try to beg attention for what you did. That would be very selfish.

If you really love someone, think about what they feel. Try to understand. Don’t just say that you don’t understand. Don’t keep complaining like a child. Ask what they want. Sometimes it can be just as simple as being with you. Knowing that you understand them.

I was trying every way, thinking that’s what she expected. The last thing I did that was terribly stupid was say that I want her. I thought she wanted me to fight for her. But saying it without considering her feeling, how selfish I was. How could I do it all to her?

How could I say all I said? How could I be so selfish in the end? I got too excited. What I said to her was terrible. It’s unforgivable. How can, in the end, I turn out to be this kind of person? How can my love that was so pure turn to be this selfish?

I learned it all the hard way. But it shouldn’t cost her heart. How can I hurt someone whose heart is so pure? How can I be so thoughtless and selfish?? I’m so sorry… I really meant it. Every time I said sorry, I meant it. I never meant to make you feel bad. But then I kept making mistakes over and over again.

I wish, I really wish that there’s something I can do to make things right again for you. I must have hurt you so bad. Please don’t be sad because of me. I don’t deserve it. I am a very bad person. How could I do it all to you? If only I just stay away, I wouldn’t hurt you so bad.  Maybe that’s really the best I can do for you. Love you from a distance so you won’t get hurt. How could I think that I could protect her when all I did was all about me.

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