Don’t You Know?

Have you ever love someone so much that even though it hurts, even though you know you can’t be with them in the end, you can’t walk away? You just want to give your best for them. Even they may not want it. But you will keep trying to see what you can do for them. That’s the kind of foolish I am.

Have you ever met someone whom every time you look into their heart, you love them even more? It doesn’t matter what they do, what they say, you just can’t stop loving them. Because the reason you love them is they being themselves. That’s the kind of person I love.

For me, the hardest part of this is because I’m the source of her problem. Though I can’t exactly spot which one of what I said was the source of the problem. She said I played on her. I feel she played on me. But you know, the strange thing about that crazy little thing called love is, even if she is, even though it’s painful, the feeling remains the same.

It’s never been a good thing to have someone play on you. But the worst thing is, it is someone that you love. Even worst, it’s someone who knows you love them so bad, but still..

Actually, she doesn’t play on me. But she made me feel that way. Even when she rejected me, she did it because of one of the two things, she tried to protect her heart or she tried to protect my heart. Any of the two, made me fall for her even deeper.

Did you do that so that I would stop hanging on you? Now that I know you also feel the same way I do, I don’t think it’s even possible for me to stop hanging on. It doesn’t matter if you have someone by your side or not, at this point, there’s no turning back. So hurt me all you like, I’ll always be here for you.

Don’t you know? There’s nothing you can do to cut my hope on you. Even if my hope’s gone. The feeling will remain the same. And the ache will still come as terrible as ever.

But I still don’t get it right. What did I do so badly that you suddenly closed the gate for me? I remain faithful to you and I always will, no matter what. Maybe what I said was thoughtless. But should you really hate someone because they do something wrong because it was their first time? Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?

Because I hadn’t told you who I was? I told you, I’m gonna tell you in person. I’m true to my words. Couldn’t you just believe me? Also, you already knew. Don’t you know how I feel? Knowing that you knew but couldn’t tell you because I was too shy. How fool I was in front of you. Why didn’t you just ask me when we met? Or thank me, like what I did when you sent me a gift. Did you think it would make me uncomfortable? Was that what you feel? It was happiness. Knowing the person you sent gifts to, and appreciating what you gave is always happiness.

You said you hope I can find my happiness. My happiness is if you are happy. If you think you will be happy when I’m happy, then why can’t we try to embrace the happiness together? Can’t you just try to believe me? I love you with all my heart. If only I can love, all the rest don’t matter. Don’t you know?

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