I Have Decided

I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time. About how I feel. How painful it is to see you with somebody else. How no matter how long has it been, I never get used to it and it keeps bothering me.

I must have said it before, that I believe as time goes by the feeling will evolve. Honestly, I used to believe that there’ll be a day when I will really get used to it. Embrace the truth, accept the feeling and be happy for you. But even after I embraced the truth and accept the feeling, the ache still comes along with it. Then I realized, that I still place you wrong in my eyes.

You may never know, but all this time, I’ve done all I could think of. From the very beginning, I tried to fight this feeling cause I know that no matter what, I could never provide you with the life you deserve. Then I hid it in the bottom of my heart cause I thought, that if I stop thinking about it, it will stop existing. But.. you kept appearing. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, I can’t take my mind off of you. So I thought I should just make myself get used to you. But coming to you every now and then couldn’t sweep away the feeling. In fact, it only got stronger. What the heck did I think about?!!

Well then… Do you know? I even make a very bold decision. I knew that I couldn’t expect the best from being ordinary. I don’t know how long it’d take, but if I just try my hardest, maybe I can make us possible…. or not? Maybe something’s just not meant to be. Maybe we’re not meant to be in this life. Should we just meet again in another life?

Anyway… I know that I can’t be completely out of my mind forever. So I surrender and admit that it won’t go away by my wish alone. Yet, it is so painful and I know I can’t live my life like that forever, no matter how much I love you. So I tried to find a way out. Nevertheless, I’ve been going all over the place, but seem to get nowhere. And now I know, that I’ve done it all wrong.

You know, that crazy little thing called love.. we can’t fight it, we can’t hide from it and we can’t escape it. Even if it hurts, we got to deal with it. It could hurt so much that we might shed a tear. But pretending that it’s not happening won’t change a thing.

But you know… love takes many different forms. So this might be my last attempt and I’m pretty sure that this will go quite well. I can’t stop loving you. So from this day onward, I will continue loving you… like a sister. 早上好,我的小妹妹。

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