Why It Didn’t Go As Plan?

I never plan to fall for you. Neither did I plan to make you my center of gravity. All I ever wanted to do was to figure out what kind of person you really are.

But why it didn’t go as planned? Why ever step I took only led me to realize how lovable you are? Why do you keep me puzzling with everything you did? And why does none of my theory seems to work on you?

The moment I noticed that you catch my attention, I did try to do something about it. I didn’t just let myself wander in that illogical illusion. I had a theory, a very logical one. If I stay away, keep my distance, stop thinking about it, it will stop existing.

But why did you keep appearing? No matter where I go, no matter what I do, why do I end up thinking about you? Why couldn’t I dispell.. your charm? There’s something about you that I couldn’t fully understand and it kept arousing my curiosity. And I end up back to square one again, trying to figure out everything about you.

I should have known that I shouldn’t cross the line. But then I came up with another theory. If I just keep coming, if I just keep coming to you unabashedly, it’s only about time until you become like all the others. If you deal with something every day, no matter how special it is, it will become a common one. That’s how it should be, right?

But.. I don’t understand. I really do not understand. I did it all. Waiting for you shamelessly, watching your every move, thinking that I could catch you showed your flaw. Keep coming to you unabashedly, spending so many hours sitting next to you, hoping that I’d get bored, that I’d be tired.

I thought the bell in my mind would be ringing, saying that I need to stop doing all those foolish things. That I’d finally understand. That you’re just like so many people I’ve met before. But I never get there.

I don’t understand. How can someone be so hard to comprehend, yet very captivating?

How can someone make all my scenarios didn’t go as planned, my efforts go to waste, and my brain stop functioning well?

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